Today I was talking with my husband about our old friends in the Netherlands. Living in America sometimes makes me miss my Dutch friends and I wonder how those friendships have changed. If I still speak a lot with them over the phone? And how friendships in the Netherlands are different from the ones here in America?
Maybe not everybody will like this blog… but I told you; I will be brutally honest here!
First things first.
I have to tell you I love my American bestie. She is absolutely the best friend a woman can get when you are “alone” in a different part of the world. Super sweet, chill and relaxed and also funny… we are a lot alike (you can tell ;-)) and she totally accepts my Dutch-American-English language and habits. We adapt, both of us. And bonus: her daughter and my daughter are besties as well. Our hubby’s grill the food, drink some beers, and her little too-cute son chills with our son like a sixteen-year-old dude.
Life is a lot easier with a couple of good friends hanging around.
How My Dutch Friendships Changed After Moving to the US
But what about my Dutch friends?
I realized, during the conversation with my husband, that I have changed in the last year. I’m still Jo or Joe (according to the Yankees), still social, still funny (according to myself 😉), and still a loving friend with a lot of appreciation for my inner circle. But still… I’ve changed.
I am way more relaxed, stepped out of the rat race, and more focused on me. Is that selfish? I don’t think so. I think it became time to focus more on myself, to be more mature—but still with a joyful twist. What do I need, what do I want? What is my purpose in life?
Sure, it ain’t only being the wife and the mom (which I always will be with all my heart). There is also a Joe. During my long beach walks with nothing but the ocean and the wind, I had plenty of time to think. I also read a lot from the book You Are a Badass by my new other best friend Jen Sincero (She doesn’t know she is, but she is! Everybody needs a Jenn Sincero in his or her life). She is the absolute best motivator a woman can find. She doesn’t mince her words and will definitely not hold back. Speaking of being brutally honest!
I know you can be really lonely in the US. Especially in the area where we are stationed. Most people stay here for three years and then move on to the next station. So why bother making new friends? I know many women think like that. But I also noticed plenty of Facebook posts from women searching for new friends because they are lonely. So it’s not easy. Let alone for a crazy Dutch girl with a strange sense of humor… and even better, she says what she thinks (which is not very common for most Americans).
The first thing I had to deal with here was the loneliness. When the kids started school and my husband joined the dudes on base, the start was pretty rough. So I got myself a long-dreamed-of puppy, the sweetest Doberman you’ve ever seen. He was gorgeous and stuck to me like glue the whole day. We did a beach walk every day, and he loved it maybe even more than me. He was my buddy. Unfortunately, he got sick, and after only 7 months we had to make the heartbreaking decision to let him go. Walking the beach was already too hard for him. I was devastated.
Beside being heartbroken, I had to deal with the loneliness again. After a few long, confronting walks on the beach, I decided that it wouldn’t control me. I would make the best of the time here with my husband and kids—but also with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of support from my inner circle in the Netherlands. But still: I have to live here, and I have to make the best of it.
We’ve now been in the US for over a year, and yes, I still have contact with a few friends in the Netherlands. But it changed. Those few friends will never leave me, even if I wanted them to (IYKYK).
On the other hand, contact with some others is fading. And I get it—I’m not there, life is different, and I don’t talk about the same things anymore. I woke up one morning thinking about one of them, and yes, it made me sad that it’s so hard to stay in touch with her.
But at the same time, I wouldn’t want to miss the life I have now. The goals we are planning to reach. Being here in the US is a chance we have to grab and never let go. There are only a few lucky ones who get this chance: to change your life into what you’ve always dreamed of.
So yes, I miss my friends sometimes, and yes, it hurts. But on the other hand, I’m determined to make the best of it and of the rest of my life. Some people step onto your life train for a while, and sometimes they step off again, or ride along for a while in other cabin. That’s fine. It can hurt (that’s fine too), but I am at peace with it. Because the life I’m building now is for the future—our future as a family. There are so many lessons to learn, and even more to teach our kids.
And honestly? I f***ing love it.
And yes, I have friends over here and love spending time with them—to hang out or just stop by Lowe’s, grab a coffee at the Starbucks in Harris Teeter, and sneak in a cake pop. That’s our “catch-up” ritual. Although… I feel there must be a better way.
I will always have my mom (and all those hours on the phone), the very sweet (and sometimes unrecognizably emotional—who is this guy?) text messages from my dad the hero, my brothers (the good and the ugly—you decide who’s who), the in-laws (yep, I actually love them, weird but true), and my bonus mom and dad who haven’t changed a bit. Still brutally honest, still supportive, still the same sarcastic humor I inherited.
Wherever I will be in the world, they will be there.
I am blessed, happy, and so damn grateful for all the beautiful souls in my life.
Oh, and by the way: the pros of being on your own (not lonely)? Joe and I share the same humor… which means I keep laughing at my own jokes. And honestly, I’m getting better and better at it.
Doeiiiiiii,
love Joe
