I know people will judge anyway.
But if this blog can help, even just a little, to make us judge each other less… then it’s worth writing. This blog is about why we shouldn’t judge people too quickly — even though we all do it.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from living in America, it’s this: You really can’t judge a book by its cover. And yes… we all do it.
I’ve done it too.
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When we moved here, I think I still had this idea in my head of what “life in America” looked like. The dream. And sure — for some people, that dream is real.
But for others… it looks very different.
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What I’ve seen here, especially through the kids, opened my eyes in a way I didn’t expect. Some of them grow up so differently from what we’re used to. Not just small differences, like biking your kid to school instead of dropping them off in a “mom drive.”
But real differences.
The kind that hit you a little harder. Kids living in a single hotel room with their whole family. Parents working multiple jobs just to survive. Not always having enough food, clothes… or even a proper bed.
And still…
That same mom might be the one making your Starbucks coffee in the morning — smiling, being kind, asking how your day is.
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And then you realize… You really have no idea what someone’s life actually looks like. It’s so easy to judge people based on what we see in that first moment.
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I see it sometimes now. Not in big dramatic ways. Just small moments. Someone who doesn’t want to go to the beach. Heck, I didn’t even want to go to the pool when we first moved here — all those lean, trained bodies. I kept thinking, when is it going to be winter? Just because I was afraid of being judged.
Someone who feels uncomfortable being looked at. Someone who walks into a room already expecting to be judged.
And you can tell… it’s not about today. It’s about everything that came before.
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Why we judge people so quickly
I used to think I understood people pretty quickly. You see how someone looks, how they act… and you fill in the rest. But lately, I’ve caught myself being wrong more than once.
Seeing someone struggle with being seen… while all I saw at first was the outside. And realizing how easy it is to miss everything that actually matters.
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I’ve heard stories here that honestly broke my heart.
People who are the kindest, most loving humans you’ll ever meet — the ones who would move mountains for you. But did they have a good start in life? Not even close. Some of them grew up in situations where love, care, and safety weren’t a given. Where they were judged before they even had a chance. Where people took advantage of them every single time they could.
Those things don’t just disappear. They stay. Visible or invisible scars… carried every single day. Every morning. Every minute. The whole fucking day.
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And still — they show up as kind people.
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So no… we can’t judge. Because we don’t know. And it’s not just strangers. We do it with the people closest to us too.
That time you text your husband early in the morning and he replies with a short, no-enthusiasm answer. (The poor guy just woke up and has to get ready for work — which, let’s be honest, is already a big task for one man 😉). He’s just not ready to be the loving, cheerful husband yet.
But there you go… getting annoyed because he didn’t respond the way you wanted. Be honest — you’re not exactly at your best early in the morning either (at least I’m not).
And just like that, you judge. You’ve already created a whole story in your head — one that has very little to do with what’s actually going on in his mind.
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Or an even better example… your teenager (who, let’s be real, is not here to be your personal cheerleader — because, well… teenager) isn’t responsive at all when you invite him on what you thought would be a fun mom-and-son shopping trip.
A. He’s a teenager
B. He’s a boy
C. Again… teenager
And suddenly, in your mind, he doesn’t like you, isn’t happy, and definitely doesn’t want to spend time with his mom. Which… okay, maybe partly true — but still. You judge, you assume, you create a whole story… and he has absolutely no idea what’s going on in your head.
Because… teenager.
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And yes, I know life isn’t easy for everyone. I’ve seen that up close recently, after losing someone in a way that still doesn’t fully make sense.
And it makes you think… About how quick we are to judge. About how little we actually understand.
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Because when you judge someone you don’t know… you don’t just take away their chance. You take away your own. The chance to see people differently. The chance to understand.
Maybe even the chance to experience something beautiful.
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So maybe… we should just try a little harder. Maybe that also means we should stop trying to judge people so quickly.
Because you never know… that person you almost judged might have been a good conversation, a different perspective, or even something beautiful.
